Pokematic Dark Shadows Movie Review

Vampires, can't be worst than twilight.

If it's not a good game or catholic...who do you call?...why Pokematic "Hi."

So I just went and saw Dark Shadows, the movie, at my last run theater. I knew of the series that this is based off of because I have relatives that are obsessed with the 60s soap opera but I have never seen the original. All I know about it is that they tried to be serious but because it was low budget, it was all done all in 1 take, and that caused lots of funny mishaps. It was in black and white. This was obviously color and wasn't low budget causing issues, but it was still super hilarious.

As with all my reviews, lets start with the plot. It stars Johnny Depp, who is from the 18th century, but because his jealous is...a crazy witch, and I'm not just censoring myself, she turns him into a vampire, and through a string of events, gets him trapped in a coffin, and he isn't awoken until the 1970s. Johnny Depp is from a very rich family, the Collins. After he is awoken, he goes to find his relatives, modern Collins'. He drank the blood of many construction workers, but due to his gentlemanliness, I guess you could call it, he will not drink the blood of his relatives. Turns out that his crazy witch girlfriend destroyed the Collins' family fishing business with her own, no doubt with her magical powers. Now Johnny must bring back his family to their rightful power. Any further explanation would be spoiler, and I frown on spoilers.

Now with plot out of the way, lets look at the other factors, starting with the acting. Johnny did a great job at acting like he was this other century vampire who just doesn't understand modern times. While I'm sure it was way easier, the actors did a great job at acting like they were from the 70s, well I assume this much. Never experienced them. From what I've read and seen, looked like they were doing it right. Alice Cooper, was Alice Cooper for the time he was on screen. But then again I don't scrutinize acting, so how about I talk about something I do know, like sets design/video and humor.

The sets were great. I don't know how much was shot on location, but there had to be many things that were more or less sound stages. They lived in a mansion, and what we were able to see looked like it was real. It had tons of intricate wood carvings and a chandelier that looked like they were actually from a mansion from that time period. The furniture, great. Then the buildings around the town, and the cars and props like that, all reminded me of images from the 70s. And it may just be me, but it seemed like there was a filter applied to some scenes to make it look older, like from the 70s. I don't know, but it worked.

Now for the best part, the humor. As with the kind of story it is, you can expect the oblivious guy from the past not knowing about modern customs. The main difference though, is that the difference in time periods tends to be only a couple of decades, so like parents will be able to laugh at what their kids are watching, or it is many many years, like frozen caveman. This time around, it's a couple of centuries, 196 years to be exact. This caused lots of funny because a lot has changed over the course of 196 years. There's also the juxtaposition of Johnny's vampire instincts and his gentlemanly nature. "Terribly sorry, but I'm mighty thirsty. (bite)"

Now one thing I feel I should mention is the rather large amount of sexual content. It is PG-13, and it earns it. There's implied oral sex, a scene when Johnny and evil ex are having sex but it's more like clothes on foreplay, flying around the room, and the evil ex throws her panties on Johnny when he's about to be trapped in the coffin. I wouldn't bring this up if it weren't for the fact that I saw a bunch of kids in the theater and heard that they were asking their parents what was so funny. I highly doubt that the original series had that, mainly because it was the 70s and FOX didn't exist back then, but I really don't know. Maybe it was on cable. Just a warning to the parents who might think this will be a fun movie for their kids.

There is a love element between Johnny and one of the main characters. Vampire falling in love with a human. Now if this sounds familiar, it is a way better love story than Twilight. LOL.

All in all great movie. I highly recommend it. I don't know how faithful it is to the original, but it's funny on it's own. Find an airing or rent it at your local video store, or if you don't have one, pray that red box has it. Well this has been Pokematic signing off and bu-bye.

PS: because I saw this at the last run show, I was able to see the end of the reel. My last run theater lets the film just run out after the movie finishes. I saw the whole "this is a fiction and any similarity to people living or dead is coincidental," and the "no money was taken to show tobacco in this film." Then it showed the warner brothers logo, then the rating of the movie, then the stock images that are at the end of the reel. The letter with the circle, the sideways words, ect. Then the screen when white because there wasn't anything left on the reel. It's cool.