How I would Improve Star Wars Episode 9

If it's not a good game or catholic...who do you call?...why Pokematic "hi."

So Star Wars Episode 9 The Rise of Skywalker is a terrible movie, I reviewed it here and was nicer than I should have been, because after letting it settle more I really hate it. Others have done a better job than I explaining why it's bad, but the main problem I want to talk about is "bringing back Palpatine, that'll solve everything." I know JJ was in a bind after Ryan decided to throw out all the foundation that JJ laid for him, and JJ thought Palpatine was his only choice, but I have a much better way of "gluing back together what Ryan shattered." I'll handle this point by point of what Ryan broke, what JJ thought he was doing with Palpatine, and how I would solve this.

But first, why is it bad to bring Palpatine back to life. In Episode 6 Return of the Jedi, Vader throws Palpatine down the reactor shaft, thus rejecting evil and redeeming himself to bring balance to the force. It's a major sacrifice since it costs him his life, and is the entire arc of Annikin, from fall to redemption. By bringing Palpatine back to life, it renders the events of episode 1-6 completely worthless. There have been many other people who explain it in greater detail, but this is the probably the biggest reason.

OK, so the first reason JJ brought back Palpatine is because Rey needs lineage. In episode 7 if was strongly hinted at that Rey's parents were something special, and that's why she is so naturally talented with the force, and who her parents were would be revealed in future films. Then in episode 8 it's revealed that her parents are nobodies because Ryan wanted to subvert expectations. JJ was probably going to establish them as "grand jedi that left the order" or something like that, and then that would play into her arc, but then Ryan said "nope, she's just special because anyone could be special." JJ was now stuck with "OK, I still need to make her descended from someone, and they have to be already established, and it would have to be from the prequels since a grandparent would be from that generation, guess I'll go with Palpatine since Jedi back then were celibate." Here's how I would fix this, make her a descendent of Qui-Gon Jinn. How would this be possible? Qui-Gon is a gray jedi, while he is loyal to the light side of the force, he does not subscribe to all of the teachings of the current jedi way (case in point, training Annikin even though he is too old). While it is the rules for Jedi to be celibate so they can fully commit to being a Jedi and not let emotional ties cloud their judgement (like what happened with Annikin and his mom and Padme), I can imagine Qui-Gon having a 1 night stand with someone without it corrupting his judgement. Like, if Qui-Gon saved some leader on an assignment and their custom was "when our leader is saved by a powerful worrier, we insist that said worrier mates with a woman from our tribe so that their genes would be passed on and make our society stronger, here are examples of other worrier savior descendants that had no emotional involvement from their father that helped keep us safe," and Qui-Gon saying "it is against the Jedi code to form emotional attachments to others, but my mission is to establish the future safety of this city and if this is how you deem necessary then I will assist."

Now how does this tie into the events of Episode 9? The big problem Rey has is she has no direction, and is conflicted about her lineage. Her master Luke is dead, her father figure Han is dead, Leia isn't a good teacher and is distant (because of real world complications), Rey needs guidance as to how to handle her power and no one can help. This is where Qui-Gon comes in. It's been established that dead Jedi can return as ghosts and provide guidance for those whom they have a connection with and need the guidance, and Qui-Gon can come to Rey as a ghost when she is in a fit of rage and confusion. I imagine the scene like this.

Rey is on some barren land, yelling and swinging her light saber yelling "why!!!!?? WHO AM I!!!???" or something similar.

She hears a voice "no one said the path of the Jedi would be easy"

"Who's there!?"

She turns around and there is a force ghost of Qui-Gon Jinn.

"Hello Rey, my name is Qui-Gon Jinn, and I am your grandfather."

Rey: What!? But how!?

Qui-Gon: When I was on assignment many years ago, your grandmother bore my child as part of their goal to make their village stronger. That child was your father. Before I could check on your father's force sensitivity, I was killed by Darth Maul while protecting Padme Amadala, the mother of Luke and Leia. Through the force I checked on your father, but he didn't have strong force sensitivity and therefore never became a Jedi. While he may not have been strong in the force, his child was, you Rey. And that is why I am able to talk to you now."

From then on Qui-Gon helps train Rey and we see what a truly wise in force training master can do. He helps Rey understand her powers, helps her quide her mind, and teaches her what he did and gives her a lineage to be proud of. This wouldn't have the same "lengthy process" as other movies like Luke learning from Ben and Yoda, but Liam is skilled in the art of training montages. This also gives us the opportunity to learn more about Qui-Gon, a Jedi who is very complex but who is also not well understood.

OK, next reason for Palpatine coming back is because we need a supreme evil that seduces Kylo and for him to reject and have a redemption. In episode 7 we get Snoke, a sith lord who teaches Kylo the ways of the dark side, whom we haven't heard anything about until now. OK, but maybe he's someone and we'll find out who in episode 8, and then Kylo rejects him in episode 9 like Vader did Palpatine. Nope, Ryan kills off Snoke and has Kylo say "I will rule the galaxy, and I want you as my partner Rey." OK, now how is JJ going to have Kylo reject ultimate evil if the ultimate evil is already killed? "Uhhhh, Palpatine was evil and super powerful, I'll make it so he survives." Here's how I would change it, Kylo doesn't get a redemption arc, he dies evil. It's hard, I know, but bear with me. Palpatine didn't just "come into existence as the most powerful sith lord," he could have been a light Jedi, but was trained as a sith lord by his master either by choice or by force (though I think it was by choice). Count Duku was a respected Jedi master before turning to the dark side, and I get the impression he chose it after seeing the power of the dark side. Kylo Ren does not trust the Jedi after Luke tried to murder him, and he very clearly turned to the dark side by choice, and was given multiple opportunities to reject it but didn't (killed his dad, killed his Sith master but chose to stay sith, probably others I'm forgetting or weren't shown), just keep him a Sith at this point. Sure, Annikin did a lot of bad things (he kills a bunch of children), but at the end of Episode 3 you can tell he has a lot of reservations about it (he's crying in that one scene, he says "it's OK Padme, I'll kill Palpatine and we can live together in harmony, without worrying about the Jedi." He only turned to the dark side because of Padme and was distraught when he couldn't save her. Kylo went to the dark side because he wanted to, and because he thought he had to finish what Vader started. He doesn't need a redemption, just make him evil. This has the added benefit of "not being a rehash of the original trilogy" since Kylo rejecting Palpatine is the same thing Vader did in episode 6.

Making Kylo fully committed to the dark side also gives us the opportunity to REALLY have him reject good, and fix a universe hole. Kylo's whole thing is "I want to finish what my grandfather started." His grandfather is Darth Vader, Annikin Skywalker. There's a scene in Episode 9 where Han comes back as a ghost and gives Kylo one last father-son heart to heart to bring him back, and that doesn't make any sense since Han isn't a Jedi, "so maybe it was a hallucination." Here's the problem, Kylo does not respect Han, he kills him as an act of evil to make him a true Sith. Han wouldn't reach Kylo since he has no remorse for it. Kylo doesn't respect anyone because they'll just get in his way of ruling the galaxy, except for one person. As I said, Kylo idolizes his grandfather, Darth Vader. He's doing all of this "because I need to finish what Vader started." Instead of having "maybe ghost, maybe hallucination Han," have Darth Vader come to Kylo as a force ghost. Here's the scene.

Kylo is building up his forces, getting ready for the final attack on the resistance, talking to Vader's chard helmet.
"At last grandfather, I will finish what you started, the galaxy will belong to us."

James Earl Jones voice: "that is not what I wanted."

Kylo startled turns around to find force Darth Vader in his black suit that Kylo idolizes. "Grandfather?"

JEJ: I did not turn to the dark side to so that I may rule the galaxy

Vader takes off his helmet to reveal Haden Christensen Annikin: I turned to the dark side so that I could stop your grandmother from dying in childbirth, but ultimately I was the one who killed her because I turned to the dark side. I only set out on galactic conquest because it was the path of master Palpatine and he was the only family I had left. Over the years I was corrupted by the dark side and was only saved by your uncle Luke Skywalker, my son."

Kylo: But master Luke tried to kill me grandfather!

Haden: But he chose not to. You didn't narrowly escape, he decided not to kill you. He didn't know how to control your power alone and was scared. His fear lead to anger, his anger lead to hate, and now his hate has lead to suffering, your suffering. The dark side says it has the answers to your problems, but it's not.

Kylo: I?...No, you are wrong. You may not have had the vision, but I do. I will rule the galaxy and finish what you were too scared to.

Haden: Then you are lost grandson. This will not end well for you. *Fades away*

That right there is fully within the rules of the universe (fallen Jedi can come back as ghosts, and Annikin came back to at the end of episode 6), and gives Kylo some REAL conflict.

OK, big climatic fight scene, Rey now trained by Qui-Gon battles fully evil Kylo Ren. Maybe beforehand Rey wants to bring Kylo back to good, maybe at the suggestion of Luke (he did for Vader), but Annikin tells her otherwise, and Qui-Gon is unsure of what the right decision might be. Then in the fight when Rey is down, Annikin in a voice over is telling Kylo "stop, this is not what I wanted" and then maybe Palpatine as a ghost voice says "hahahaha, Vader was weak, but you are strong, you will complete what he finished." He might be a little torn, but he's definitely going for bad. Then Qui-Gon in a voice over says "Rey, you are a Jinn, quide your mind, feel don't think." Rey closes her eyes and quides her mind, and instinctually pushes Kylo off her and deals a death blow. When she comes to she realizes what she's done, but is comforted by Qui-Gon and Annikin, Annikin saying "he was too far gone, fully consumed by the dark side like my master Palpatine," and Qui-Gon saying "and my master Duku, it is never easy to kill, I always had troubles when I was forced to do it, but being able to do the hard things is the true mark of the Jedi." Maybe not exactly like that, but it would be something to comfort her.

Maybe Rey gives Kylo a Jedi cremation, and then as Kylo is burning Annikin and Qui-Gon stand behind her as ghosts, and then Luke and Leia show up next to them, and then Yoda, Alec Guinness's Ben Kenobi (or Ewan Gordon McGregor's Obi-Wan if there's a problem with Alec's likeness), Mace Windu, and Asoka, stand behind them, and then other Jedi on the counsel and in the background show up all giving Rey silent approval. You can keep the final scene of Rey burying Luke's light saber, and the lady asking her "who are you," but instead of "Rey, Rey Skywalker," just have her say "Rey Jinn." That would also fix all the "she's not really a Skywalker, she's stealing the valor," since she really is a Jinn by blood and after the training by skill.

Don't like "Rey is a Jinn and Kylo is truly evil," OK leave everything the same and make JarJar the Sith lord. "JarJar is a Sith lord" is a "respected" fan theory. I say "respected" because it has somewhat far reach, and isn't just one guy's fan fiction.

Make JarJar a sith lord, have him give some monologue about how "it was all an act, the fan theory is true, and now I'm going to finish what Palpatine was unable to complete, and Rey is somehow my granddaughter," you got something. You still have a pre-established character, one whom everyone hates and would enjoy seeing him die, and you don't have to ruin Vader's redemption by bringing Palpatine back. There would still be a lot of problems, but at that point the movie is almost satire and I think people would be able to at least laugh at it.

I know it's not a perfect plot fix, and this is honestly a first draft (because that's how I generally write blogs), but I've been thinking about this for a while and I think this makes episode 9 much better. Well this has been Pokematic, signing off, and bu-bye.

Pokematic Reviews Star Wars Episode 1.2, The Phantom Edit

Just so you know, this is the edit that I watched. I've heard that there are many fan edits of episode 1 called "The Phantom Edit" and as the years go on it's gets harder and harder to know what is the original edit. I'm pretty sure that this isn't the original edit, but it's the first stream I found, it does pretty much everything I heard the other edits do, and therefore I'm going with this one.


Now, without further ado, lets get to this review.

If it's not a good game or Catholic...who do you call?...why Pokematic "hi."

Now as I mentioned in my Episode 1 3D review, I love Episode 1. I don't care what the critics say. Sure, it's probably the weakest of the series, as of right now (can't say for certain with the new movies coming out), but dammit I love episode 1. As I said with one of my film friends, all the other star wars movies are "Jedi fighting wars and fighting and their primary goal is to stop the sith whereas episode 1 is a little more in line with what the jedi actually do, and that's help settle disputes between planets, nations, and generally keep the peace." Mace Windu said it himself in episode 2 "we're keepers of the peace, not soldiers," and as Qui-Gon said in episode 1, "I can protect you, I can't fight a war for you," but in all the subsequent star wars movies, the opposite is kind of what happens; the jedi lead armies of clones to fight the separatists and their droid armies in the clone wars and Luke along with the rest of the Rebels fight a war with the Empire. These jedi do a lot of fighting of wars and acting as soldiers from what I see. You may find episode 1 boring, but at least it's pretty in line with what the jedi are supposed to do.

Another thing is that Star Wars has kind of always been "fun for the whole family." The kids like all the sci-fi fantasy action along with all the "wizard" things that the characters do while the teens and adults enjoy the great characters and...well most of the same things the kids like. Episode 1 however really tried to be distinct for all audiences. It had little Anikin, Jar Jar, and much of the same "wizard" sci-fi fantasy of the original but on a grander scale and a far more complex story and elements for the adults. Unfortunately, I'm 1 of 8 people that actually appreciates the immature kid stuff and the mature story elements. Everyone else didn't like that. And that's where the phantom edit comes in.

What does the phantom edit hope to accomplish? It hopes to tone down the kid pandering and "mature story elements" with creative editing and cuts. Does it succeed? Yes. Most definitely yes. It removes as much of the "annoying kids stuff and political adult stuff" as possible in hopes of making a movie that's more consistent with the tone and story style of the original trilogy. And here's the thing, it does a really good job at that. Many times it feels like a completely different movie. In addition to the removal of "the annoying kids stuff and political adult stuff," this particular cut restores many of the deleted scenes. The restoration of the deleted scenes is crucial to the story this edit wishes to tell.

So is this cut better than the original? It's hard to tell. Every review and comment and the like I've read has been positive. In general people really like these recuts. Sure, every recut is going to be different, like apparently one cut redubs Jar-Jar's dialog with alien language and subtitles with "far less annoying and wise sage advice," and I'm sure other cuts didn't include the deleted scenes, and other cuts ACTUALLY LEAVE IN THE BIG CLIMACTIC ENDING, but they all basically follow the same premise of "remove the annoying kid stuff and political adult stuff." Yeah, the cut I watched ended right as Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon were getting ready to fight Darth Maul. But anyways, they all end up telling a similar, recut story.

So what did I think of this? Honestly, I'm mixed. I really liked seeing the deleted scenes. They explain why Qui-Gon and Anikin are running when they get to the ship and why they come riding in on those things when Anikin is getting ready to race his pod. The pacing is also much faster. 10 minutes in I was like "we're already at this point? Wow." Is that good or bad, I don't know. It got rid of some of the redundancies and made the flow a little better, but it got rid of the pauses some characters took between lines of dialogue, making things seem a little rushed. Also, some lines were completely removed or reorded, some crucial some not. It was just a little jarring to me since I know the entire movie line for line. I tried doing what I did in the 3D rerelease where I said every line of dialogue as it was said, but I soon found out that would be impossible since the timing and dialogue was completely different. Good, bad, I don't know, just really different. One removed scene that just REALLY got to me though was the removal of the scene where the other slave kids are taunting Anikin about his pod. For me at least, that scene is just so crucial to who Anikin is as a character. It shows us that this junk yard slave is really just a kid. I'm not sure if we could really call them his friends because they are kind of jerks to him, but he doesn't tell them to get lost at the first sight of them so they aren't his enemies. I get that "it's annoying kid stuff," but it was just so crucial to Anikin. They also get rid of so much of Jar Jars dialog. Jar Jar is like my favorite character of the entire Star Wars franchise. Meesa love Jahr Jahr. Jahr Jahr makah meesa laugh so hard. Teysa gettin rid of Jahr Jahr, meesa no liken dat. Yeah, I love Jar Jar. I think he's hilarious. To just get rid of my favorite character, well that hurts.

So what's my verdict? Well if you like the original trilogy but didn't like episode 1, give this a shot. People say it's leagues better. Me on the other hand, it's different. It does follow the tone of the original trilogy better and is faster paced, plus it resorts the deleted scenes, but it removes a lot of the things I liked about Episode 1 and it just isn't the same movie I loved as a kid and still love to this day. Should every star wars fan see it, probably. If you see a good cut, you'll probably enjoy yourself, but I can't guarantee that you'll think it's better than the original. It sure is different though. Well this has been Pokematic, signing off, and bu-bye.

PS: I was going to watch the thief and the cobbler the recobbled cut and do a fan edit double feature, but I just got tired and didn't feel like watching that fan edit tonight. Maybe tomorrow.