So I had some free rentals, I heard that Juno was a good movie and had a good pro-life message. I decided I'd try it. Long story short, the movie is bad, like really bad. It's not like it goes against my political and spiritual beliefs, it definitely is quite pro-life. However, the writing is absolutely terrible, the acting is bad, the story does not make for good fiction and is executed really poorly, and it's just all around terrible. If you're considering showing this for a pro-life movie night, you're better off showing the Catelynn and Tyler episode of 16 and pregnant, that's at least realistic. Well that's about how much I can tell without major spoilers. If you don't want spoilers, just take my word that it's bad and stop reading now. If you're fine with spoilers, keep reading.
Are you sure you want spoilers?
I swear, spoilers are coming.
I'm going to essentially retell the entire movie.
Maybe you've seen it already and just want to hear me rant.
Last call.
I'm going to start telling spoilers.
OK, you've been warned.
Time for spoilers.
OK, so my first gripe comes from the fact that Ellie got pregnant with Scott Pilgrim's baby instead of fighting infected with Joel. Yes, this is nit picking. Yes, this came out before either The Last of Us and Scott Pilgrim VS the World the movie, and Ellie looking like Ellen Page has been called just a coincidence, but seeing Juno in a red hoodie and blue jeans in the opening scene just made me say "where's Joel, where's the infected, where's your guns?" Then to see "Scott" (his name isn't really Scott, but after Scott Pilgrim, I can't call him anything else) not doing Scott Pilgrim things, well that just threw me off for the first 10 minutes. However, I eventually got over the other works confusion, and began to see the characters for the dull things that they are.
OK, so after the initial nerd shock confusion, the first thing I noticed is that the writing is terrible. And I mean really, REALLY, terrible. It's as if the writers are 50 year olds who are desperately trying to act hip but al it does is make you cringe. The references are so dated, even for 2007 standards. I remember 2007, hipsters didn't exist back then. Even for hipster standards, the references are extremely dated. It wouldn't be a problem if this bad "cool" was done by some old guy, but it's said by 16 year old Juno. How does she know all this? And who does she expect to get it? All I can think of is that Steve Buscemi "How do you do, fellow kids" clip. Here's a gif of it, it perfectly embodies the bad writing in this movie.
But wait, there's more. Oi. Well lets talk about the execution itself. Throughout the movie, they build up this sexual tension between Juno and the will be adoptive father of her baby. This guy is perfect for her; same interests, great connection, and they even share a dance. We even get to the point where it seems like he's going to leave his wife to be with Juno. So what does this movie do with 60 minutes of sexual tension build up? Absolutely nothing. The adoptive father says he's divorcing his wife, but then the movie passes it off as "well I'm just not ready to be a father," and we basically never hear from him again. Juno found someone that perfectly complements her. Her step-mom even says "he's married, you can't be friends with a married man." I would like a little closure, especially since most of the movie was about it.
So how does the movie try to fill this void of human relationship? Juno suddenly decides that she loves the guy that knocked her up, even though we have absolutely no reason to believe this. Up until this point, "Scott" was essentially absent, only showing up to let the audience know who the father was. Even when they had sex, they explained that they did it because they were board. Like, we aren't even told that they're friends or have any reason to be friends. Well Juno has this big "I think I'm in love" talk with her dad, and we're lead to believe that it's about the adoptive father, but she's really talking about "Scott." What???? The only thing you have in common with this loser is you're having his baby. You don't even express interest in him in the beginning of the movie. Why do you suddenly love him? The ending is sweet, with "Scott" cuddling with Juno after the birth and then it ends with them playing guitar together singing a song about their weird love. But really, we have no development of a relationship, or any indication of a previous relationship. One might say "well they had sex so that's an indication of a relationship." It wasn't even a 1 night stand sort of hook up. It was "hey, I know you from school, there's nothing good on TV, let's have sex." There was some sort of mention of "he asked me out a year ago," but that was kind of it. It just comes out of no where and seems to exist only so the adoptive father doesn't come off as a creepy older man and a sweet "girl gets boy happily ever after," sort of thing. It's just bad.
There was also a passing mention of the adoptive couple trying to adopt a year ago but then the girl backed out at the last minute, but that didn't get any development. There was talk about how the adoptive mother feels unfulfilled without children, but that didn't get much development, until she holds her new adopted son. There was some theme about Juno's step mom paying more attention to her birth daughter than her step daughter, but no development. I could go on and on, but then I'd just be beating a dead horse. This movie had a lot of potential, but instead it decided to focus on a love interest with the adoptive father, but then dropping it in favor of something that wasn't developed at all.
Really, I don't get why people think this movie is so good. I've heard people compare it to Catcher in the Rye, but Catcher at least had believable characters and dialogue. I hated Catcher because Holden was a spoiled brat that learned nothing in 200 pages and went no where. I didn't like Juno because it's just bad storytelling and very bad writing. JD Salenger at least made an effort to try to explain Holden's motivations and why he acted like he acted. The writers of Juno made no such attempt. My recommendation, don't waste your time. I almost turned it off 30 minutes into it, but I decided I was going to stick it through. Well this has been Pokematic signing off and bu-bye.
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