Happy Gamer Responce to Xbox One Dorkly Article

I don't always talk about problem video games, but of us I feel most experienced to talk about this since it hits so close to home.

I know this is satire, but I should address this since I haven't formally. Here's the original dorkly thing. And things have been censored to keep my family friendly image.

"We'll drop the required once-a-day internet connection s*** too, even through all of you require CONTSTANT 24-HOUR internet connections so you can check on the latest reposted memes..."
But here's the thing, when my internet goes down, I turn to video game consoles for entertainment, so one of the few times that I always find myself playing videogames, I would have to play a different console.

By making "THE SAME F***ING CONSOLE AS BEFORE," don't fix what ain't broken. The 360 is a nice console, and if it wasn't for the fact that I need to pay $60 a year to use anything that isn't offline gaming and buying stuff through xbox live, I might not have to turn to my PS3 for all the features that I want to use like hulu plus and amazon instant video. I've mooched some services from my brother's xbox live account, and they work really well, but PS3 is free use for those services. I like some games, but most of those are multi-plat, and I'll get to that later.

"Forced connection to the internet for cloud-support;" well I don't trust the cloud and never will. I want my data to be stored locally on my hard drive or portable storage device, since then I am the only one responsible for my data and not some off shore, middle of the dessert, data hub that I am thousand of miles away from. It's not just you microsoft, it's every cloud service. I only trust cloud with back-up, not primary storage. Plus what about when the console is no longer supported? We all know you will drop support for the console eventually, like you did with the xbox classic. If the servers and cloud are gone, or even if they're down, the console can't be played from what you make it sound like.

"By restricting used games, we would guarantee that the DEVELOPERS WHO MAKE THE GAMES made the money instead of some s***-stain exectutive at gamestop."
The problem with no used game DRM is when the console is no longer supported, like all 10 consoles I have in my nerd cave. If I don't want to pay through the nose for a new game on a last gen system, I buy it used. And even if I buy it new, only the guy selling me the game gets the money, and that normally is some small time guy on Amazon, eBay, a garage sale seller, or a good videogame store that understands we like old school games, aka NOT GAMESTOP. Also, I've bought games that are not available new at most locations, like some launch titles 5 years after launch, and the only way to buy them is to get them used. Really, I shopped arround, and Urbz Sims in the City for DS was not available at any store like walmart or target, or even gamestop, new 5 years after launch. Even if I bought it new from amazon, it would just be amazon back inventory and the developers wouldn't get any of the money from that sale.

"I'm sure you give the same s*** to Valve over Steam, right? Since they require an internet connection to download games and you can't resell or borrow games through them. OH WAIT, THAT'S RIGHT, YOU F***ING LOVE STEAM FOR DOING THE EXACT SAME S***."
PC gamers are a bread all their own, and consoles aren't PCs. I don't PC game because getting a decent rig costs twice as much as a console in many cases. But one thing I don't like about PC gaming is the DRM. Plus, they sell DIGITAL GAMES. Digital games are always DRMed by nature. Everyone laughs any time someone suggests "selling digital copies of used games." If you really want your DRM and stuff, put that option on digital sales, that way people can do the cloud gaming and save hard drive space and stuff or give them the option to buy for offline gaming. But NEVER, EVER, make physical copies DRM because that isn't what we want for physical copies, we want them to play off of the disk, because, THAT'S WHAT THE DISK IS FOR!

"'But Steam has great sales all the time!' you whine. SO? MAYBE WE WOULD HAVE TOO, IF YOU WOULD HAVE GIVEN US A G**D*** CHANCE INSTEAD OF CRUCIFYING US 6MONTHS VEFORE YOU EVEN TRIED THE SYSTEM?"

But if you want to apply the sales to the physical disks, you know, the one's you're selling the the stores, then you'd have to tell every store about it and that would likely be hell for all the 3rd party sellers. You could do that with your digital games; you know, the ones that are basically DRMed already. But it would be next to impossible to do with the guys who are selling your games and not make them hate you, and you know, maybe they wouldn't want to sell your console anymore because it's just to difficult to deal with the inconsistent sales, and that would hurt you even more. Plus, the sales are kind of an apology for the DRM the way I see it.

"Now the xbox one and PS5 will be virtually identical! What kind of consumer group would want 'choices' and 'options that are different from one another' anyhow? Now you basement-dwellers on the internet can argue about which system is better by going over nebulously-different hardware specs and a handful of exclusive titles instead of the actual substantive differences between Sony and Microsoft's next gen consoles."
And who says we don't want consoles that are "virtually identical?" If the choice is between a DRM machine that's trying to be a PC or a GAME CONSOLE, console gamers will chose, what a surprise, a console. You want us to buy your console, do what you said, get some good exclusives and have better specs. Hey, if kinect was actually good, then that's an option between the consoles, but you lose people who don't what the kinect by making it required, like me. I'll get to that later. But yeah, get good exclusives. Exclusives like mario and zelda games are what kept the wii selling, cause lets be honest, no one was buying it for "the revolutionary motion controls" a year after launch. I would have gotten a PS3 earlier if my brother didn't already have a 360 and most of the games I wanted at the time were multi-plat. Sly 4 and my need to get Wreck-It Ralph on blu-ray were what compelled me to get a PS3, cause blu-ray and sly were exclusives to PS3, and then I found other exclusives like last of us, and what more, hulu plus, amazon instant video, crackle, and other features of the PS3 don't require $60 a year. So exclusive games and features that I get for free, well no extra charge for the privilege of using it on your console, are why I favor PS3 over 360.

"PS- Oh and you're whining about Kinect watching you? Yeah, because we REALLY want to watch some out-of-shape 20-something sit in their underear and play Skyrum for 8 hours straight. (further sarcasm)"
OK, back to the kinect problem. I am not afraid of you watching me game. I have absolutely no fear of that. The reason required kinect is a problem, is because kinect is stupid. Really. I said it before and I'll say it again, I'm sorry Nintendo tricked you into thinking that motion controls are the way of the future and what gamers want. Sony felt the same way when they introduced the move, but like a decent company, they just let it die because people didn't care for it. They didn't focus on it for 2-3 years, churning out crappy kinect game after crappy kinect game in hopes that it would catch on. People bought kinect because they were tricked by you into thinking that maybe kinect would be a good thing, but no, always crap. I've played some kinect games on 360 and it was always a gimmick that didn't offer any immerse gameplay. I never felt the same level of entertainment I would with controller based games. So using choices, like you want to give gamers as you said, I chose not to buy a $100 peripheral I would never use. Now instead of giving us options, you force us to buy a $100 peripheral and force us to use it. "But it's included." Bullshit! (woops) You said it yourself, the xbox one and ps4 are almost identical now, except the PS4 is $100 cheaper and doesn't require a device that probably accounts for the extra $100, since kinect for 360 costs $100. I would never use the kinect, nor would I ever use the "xbox on, xbox play this game" feature. So why would I want it? Why should I buy one? Cause you want your failure to be a success and the only way it would is to make it required.

I know this is a satire, but if this is what they were thinking when they did these features, this is why it's a fail. Well, game on and have fun.